As I type this, the clock reads 12:06 am. It’s officially Christmas. And I have a lot to be thankful for.

Shortly after my last post, and an argument with Chris over the lack of Christmas spirit. Chris took it personal that I didn’t feel like Christmas this year. He took offense to it and felt as if he had failed as a father and husband for it. I felt horrible that he felt that way because it certainly was  not his fault and I wanted him to know it wasn’t.

He was cooking dinner during all of this, and immediately put a Christmas movie on netflix, and then suggested we go look at holiday lights. On the drive there, he put on Christmas music in the car (which he hates) and pulled into a christmas tree lot along the way. We bought a Christmas tree 3 days before Christmas, and went to Target to pick up decorations for the tree in lieu of the holiday lights since the traffic to get there was ridiculous and Naomi was falling asleep.

We put Naomi to bed, and set up the tree and started to decorate it. It’s beautiful and even though I was against spending the money on a tree, I’m glad we have one and I’m glad Chris made it happen. He tries so hard for me, for us. And I am so lucky. I didn’t expect all this. I was overjoyed already when he played Christmas music in the car.

But really, the lack of Christmas spirit didn’t have a whole lot to do with him. I realized, it’s me feeling down because looming in the back of my mind is imminent death. I think that theres 7 more weeks left before Beau arrives, but then I realize it may just be my last 7 weeks I get to spend with my family. And that is what it boils down to.

It’s pretty stupid, I know. But I can’t help it.

And it just breaks my heart when Chris thinks it’s his fault for me being down about Christmas.

But I had a revelation today. My life is so perfect right now that I’m afraid to admit it’s perfect because then something will happen and it won’t be. Silly, right? But thats how my mind works. I truly don’t have anything to complain about, only gush about. I have the most amazing husband and I love him so much. He’s my best friend, my rock, my everything. And I have an incredible beautiful daughter who’s so sweet and happy. She has the cutest smile that melts you heart…..or just makes you laugh. My family is healthy and I am healthy and Beau is healthy, and we’re all happy, so what do I have to feel sad for? It’s silly. So I’ll try to be less ominous and negative, and truly enjoy what I have going on now. 

My family has been the greatest gift to me and nothing could ever top that. I am so blessed. This has truly become a merry Christmas for me.