Flashback to 1988-9-90? My mom was leaving to Asia for a month or so, and I was so sad about her being gone for so long I cried anticipating the day she would leave. I cried the day she was leaving. My family and cousins and aunt and uncle went to dim sum that morning and I couldn’t eat because I was crying the whole time. And I remember seeing my moms face. The look of worry and sadness in her face watching her only daughter, her baby girl cry longingly for her mom.

And as I remember this, I find myself crying because I can still remember and feel how broken I was over it.

At what point did I stop needing her the way that I did?

She’s about to leave again for 2.5 months to Asia with my dad. How come I no longer feel broken over it?

A part of me  feels sad that I think I truly don’t need her the same way I did when I was a kid.

Maybe it’s because I have kids and the thought of them not needing me hurts.

And yes, I get it, it’s all a part of growing up. It’s whats supposed to happen. It’s normal.

But still, it hurts.

They are babies right now. 16.5 months and 2 months old. And at times, many times, I’m tired and wore down, but I have to keep reminding myself to enjoy this, because they won’t be babies for long. They won’t need me or love me this way ever again so I need to embrace this time.